Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My ass is underappreciated
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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