wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize