a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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