I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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