thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
