somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize