I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
