i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
