OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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