my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
