MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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