His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
