Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
