Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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