Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
