Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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