ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
