thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
