in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
