i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
