So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he puts the penis in happiness.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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