My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
