pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
