chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
