didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
