I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
