I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
