Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
