I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize