So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
