Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
