I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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