i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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