from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize