Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
