I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
