matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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