Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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