if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize