what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
