i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize