There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
