My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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