the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
