She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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