16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
