i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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