People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
