am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize