It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize