He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
