We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
