Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
