If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
