i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
