every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
