Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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