my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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