Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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