Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
