school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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