Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
