I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
