I love black thongs
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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