OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
