Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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