Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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