I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
