well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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